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Vasectomy-the surgical cutting and sealing of part of each vas deferens, typically as a means of sterilization.

Let me clarify a few things.

First-regardless of what you hear this is a surgical procedure. There will be an incision and sutures.

Second-there are risks involved even if no one warns you.

Third-I have five kids-four of my own and one stepson. (This is this for affect and to show my motivation)

For most men, who no longer wish to have kids for whatever reason, this procedure will be flawless. But for a few that say, “yes, I’ll do it!” There can be complications that you may not be aware of. This story is about one of them.

Pre Surgery Pros and Cons

I created a list of pros and cons to help give you some perspective.

Pro:

-Never having to use birth control

Cons:

-Take day off work (not really a con-more Of a pro)

-Sore

-Ice balls

Notice anything odd about this pros and cons list? Exactly! There’s only one pro! But that one pro far outweighs the cons.

My Friend Scott

“…You’ll ice your balls for a day, play golf the next day and be back at work the day after that”-Scott

I have a business associate, who is also my friend. His name is Scott. Scott, knowing that I have five kids, would jokingly wish that he could refer me to the doctor that did his vasectomy and then would regretfully inform me that his doctor had retired. He had done this a few times over a two to three year span. Every time he mentioned it we would laugh at how many kids I have and “how will you pay for college?” and “that’s a lot of first cars?” and so on. We would end the conversation with me informing him that I couldn’t afford a vasectomy. He’d respond with something like, “you can’t afford not to get a vasectomy!”

So, when I finally decided to get this done (which was only after the wife, aka Hot Mama, gave the green light-because she was done having kids) I called my friend Scott to talk more about this procedure. I wanted to prepare myself. I had to know what to expect. He said, “it’s no big deal. You’ll ice your ball for a day, play golf the next day and be back at work the day after that”. I thought to myself, alright-no biggie-I got this.

My Friend Travis

It’s a simple in and out procedure. You’ll go home, ice balls and rest. You’ll be back to normal in a day”-Travis

Hot Mama’s best friend is married to Travis. Although it started out that way he and I have become better than wives friends (guys that are friends because their wives are). Travis has also had a vasectomy so, naturally, in my efforts to “educate” myself, I asked him about his procedure. He said, “it’s a simple in and out procedure. You’ll go home, ice your balls and rest. You’ll be back to normal in a day”.

Let’s do the math-I have 2 friends that both said they had no problems so:

2 friends + 2 no problems =100% Yes to Surgery

Even the surgeon said it was no big deal and that there would be some soreness and minor swelling.

Great! Now that I had confirmation from my friends and the doc said, “no biggie” I was ready to go!

The Day of Surgery

As with any procedure, no food or drinks after midnight. I Signed in. Waited for a moment before being called in to the prep room. They did the usual testing of vitals and took my temperature, prepped me for surgery and I was off!

I’ll spare you the details of the actual surgery. Let’s just say there were a couple of women in there and it was cold. On my way out of the OR something must’ve went wrong because by the time I sat in a chair in recovery my testicles had grown to the size of a grapefruit!

Post Surgery Pros and Cons

Pro:

-Might never have to use birth control

Cons:

-Take day off work (not really a con-more Of a pro)

-Sore

-Ice grapefruit sized balls

-Didn’t play golf the day after

-Take another day off work

-Intense pain

-Take another day of work (definitely not a pro at this point)

Notice anything odd about this pros and cons list? Exactly! There’s still only one pro but not sure if it outweighs the cons anymore because the cons have grown like the size of my testicles!

he·ma·to·ma
A solid swelling of clotted blood within the tissues

Apparently I had developed a hematoma. Before I got to my car to head home it was so large that I could barely sit and by the time I got home it hurt to waddle! The only position the hematoma would allow me to be in was flat on my back. When I’d get up to use the restroom the pain was debilitating! It felt like my toddler was swinging from one testicle to the other. The only way I could get out of bed was if I took 800mg of ibuprofen and I was still in pain. When my kids and pets were around I guarded my grapefruit like a penguin guards it’s egg.

After missing 7 days of work I decided I had to do something about the pain (without getting addicted to painkillers) so I could get back to work. I noticed the pain was tolerable when the grapefruit was held up and ahead of my body much like breasts, so I made a bra-a ball bra. The only way I could work was by taking ibuprofen and wearing my bra.

I was able to not take medicine after several days but continued to wear the bra for another 2 months. The pain gradually got better. The grapefruit slowly became an orange and then a golf ball.

It’s been four months since the surgery and it’s about the size of a robin egg. I no longer need the support but I still have mild, spontaneous pain. Every day since then I hoped that the procedure was a success because if it wasn’t I’d never do it again.

This was meant to inform not scare. This was my experience and it is rare.

So, should you get a vasectomy? Depends on how bad you want it.

If you decide that you want to go ahead with this procedure do some research and then weigh the pros and cons.

If you’d like to get details about the surgery, have a question or if you want to share your experience comment below.

Thanks for taking the time to read

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3 thoughts on “Should I Get A Vasectomy?

  1. Melinda says:

    You are awesome and I love reading your stuff.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. BlackSheep says:

    Great story. I like your friend Scott’s quote. I wrote a poem about my vasectomy: https://notsheepminded.com/2019/03/08/disconnect-a-poem/

    Liked by 1 person

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